cookiemom6067: (Default)
[personal profile] cookiemom6067
I have been so "not me" for a little more than a week. I'm slipping back into being depressed and it's a REAL up-hill battle to make myself do much of anything. Even reading fanfic online, something I really LIKE doing, is not that fun. I did get out of bed today. I did take a shower. I did make something for dinner for the family. Go me. woo hoo. I know that I need to move my playing piece off "start," so to speak. I feel like I have just a TON of "have to's" and "ought to's" and "should's" weighing me down, even though some of them are thing that I ACTUALLY WANT TO DO, just the fact that there's a "should" attached has me reacting with much less than sparkly enthusiasm. How have you overcome this yourself, if you're the sort of person that "shoulds all over (your)self?" I'm also feeling down because of how I look. I really have quite a lot of weight to lose. I feel lousy and I look worse. My son is getting married in May and I would really like to "lighten my load" before then. I have been on a lot of diet and exercise programs in my life, only to gain back (and more). I have had, up until a couple of years ago, a fairly stable (if still obese) weight. I know what I need to do (and HOW do I know!!!!), I just have no enthusiasm to do it! ARGH. My son and his fiancee are talking about moving out of state ultimately, and I don't begrudge these two liberal activist types from moving out of our decidedly ruby-red state (seriously, NO ONE bothers to campaign here), I hate the thought of not having them close. ("But, Sweetheart!!! If you're going to fight injustice, you have to be where the injustice is happening!!") Little birdies gotta fly, I know. Wow - this is pretty much "word salad" - sorry about that. LAME.
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